Played at Hawkley 17th May 2009

With monsoon rain lashing down upon Hawkley Hanger the water on the cricket ground was waist deep and rising fast.  The visiting Ship Shop Cavaliers suggested a variation never before seen in Hawkley: water cricket. 

The visitors having won the toss and chosen to bat,  Hawkley took to the water. Nick Todd opened the bowling from the deep end and a fine spectacle he made, ploughing through the waves, spray flying in the wind and mid-on and mid-off bobbing gently at their moorings in his wake. The Ship Shop batsmen showed their nautical prowess by getting quickly off the mark: Toddy’s first ball was paddled down to fine leg and his third went sailing over mid wicket, where Rent Boy made a spectacular dive trying to catch it. He failed to reach the ball, but was awarded scores of 8.9, 9.1 and 9.3 for his triple backward tuck from the five metre board.

The batsmen continued to score freely and Hawkley were sinking fast. The only players who seemed at home in this unusual form of the game were Limpet, who adapted well to the aquatic conditions, and Statue whose plinth kept him clear of most of the water and who cut a dashing figure, wearing five brand new pairs of Speedo trunks and some natty Kookaburra swimming goggles. Francis was his usual dapper picture in a monogrammed silk beach robe and Johnny Retro emerged from his bathing machine in a head-to toe bathing suit.

Hallam struggled bravely with the conditions: having studied Shane Warne’s variations he was keen to try out his flipper but struggled severely and was last seen drifting with the tide, swimming helplessly in circles. There was a brief moment of excitement when Hawkley claimed a run out, however Larry Knowles on the square leg periscope ruled this not out.

The WAGs as ever entered into the spirit of the occasion. Dressed as Baywatch lifeguards they were increasingly called in to rescue players from the deep. The home team were tiring badly and by the close of play 37 Hawkley players had been revived through mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Finally when all seemed lost for Hawkley the weather came to their rescue. The sun came out, a drying breeze sprang up and the flood waters started to recede. A stranded whale was reported near the fine leg boundary, although this was angrily refuted by Nick Todd. Several Hawkley players ran aground and had to be towed into deeper water, and eventually the conditions deteriorated so much that the game had to be abandoned. 

So ended this brave experiment: as the hot sun scorched down on a now bone-dry pitch, Alex’s scorebook duly recorded: Harting 237 for 13 (N Davies 56*). Result: match abandoned - good weather stopped play.