Player Profiles
Mark ‘Leg-Side’ Hibberd (hibby)
A fine cricketer and sturdy (in more ways than one) fixtures secretary. Mark has been known to hit the ball on the offside- but only twice, and once was an edge. Once had a heart attack on pitch but played on anyway.
Nick Hudson (journo)
A fine cricketer.
Sometimes known as the ‘Hawkley express’- is this because he was removed from service by Lord Beeching in 1964 or because he is often seen bowling up and down the wrong line at Hawkley? By nature a flamboyant left handed batsmen, his team-mates perpetuate a long-running practical joke by insisting he plays as a fast bowler.
Nick is our team tart- as he will play a game for anyone who asks him. Nick does write a great match report and is obviously sleeping with the editor of the Petersfield Post.Rich Humphreys (rent-boy)
A fine cricketer. Seems to appeal to the WAGS quite a bit- don't know why? Used to be able to bat, but can still field.
Nick Troth (trothy)
Another fine cricketer, Nick has occasionally been seen running between the wickets, but this is usually after dusk. Was once spotted running in the field, but redeemed himself by kicking a sure single over the rope for a four. Seems to be breeding rather a lot.
Chris Tanner (fingers)
Very safe pair of hands. Injures himself when playing for other teams as he tries to stoop to a lower level of cricket. A fine cricketer (but only when playing for Hawkley).
Henry Batten. (twiggy)
A fine cricketer and inventor of the ‘Batten dismissal’- This is where the player plays and holds the most perfect forward defensive shot only to see their bails distributed handsomely over the pitch.
Once fell so much in love with his bat that he actually moved house to Newbury: his team-mates have now rather cruelly put Kookaburra stickers on his kit to see whether he emigrates.
A fine fielder who can actually catch the ball. Dodgy haircut though.Mark Marvin. (forest)
A fine cricketer, obviously was a drug runner in a former life as he can cover the whole of one side of the pitch in the field. Knocked a winning six against Steep off the last ball of the match and hence can do no wrong.
Aaron Stewart
Our finest overseas cricketer- well actually our only overseas player. Seems to know what he is doing- we should fly him over from Hong-Kong more often. Can drink a lot of beer.
Nick Todd. (toddy)
One of nature’s all-rounders. Obviously keen to look after the ground, Nick never wants to disturb the grass in the field and would rather knock the ball straight into the car park, while the heavy roller has never been needed since he started running on the wicket.
Peter Lilly (young peter)
A fine cricketer and younger than old peter.
Peter Godwin (old peter)
Another fine cricketer, slightly older than young peter.
John Dinnis. (johnny retro)
A fine cricketer (as long as he’s not batting at Number 3). A beautiful left handed stroke maker, and has caught a ball in the slips. Partakes in the odd glass (bottle) of wine. Once scored an all-run four but has not been seen at Hawkley since, although is rumoured to be off the life-support system.
A fine cricketer. If there were an award (which there isn’t) for best-dressed cricketer this man would win it hands down. As stylish a batsman as he is a dresser.
Viv Evans
A fine cricketer and supplier of the ‘Viv Evans 11’ match -where we play a game of cricket, have barbequed lamb and drink beer, all in all very good fun.
Nick Davis (sheriff)
A fine cricketer and serial email user. Should be playing for England (though what sport is the big question). Has done more than anyone to raise the standard of the Saturday side when he agreed to restrict his appearances to Sundays. A fine chairman.
Ray Dunstan (mondo)
Can often be found digging for old relics (the Hawkley Cricket Club Trophies?). An all rounder and fine cricketer.
Keith Madeley (limpet)
A fine cricketer, an example to us all of how to be fit at an old age. Bats a bit, occasionally persuaded to field. A financial advisor by profession, his scoring rate can only be determined by actuarial calculation and his batting average is currently in negative equity.
Nick Davis 2 (statue)
Has all the equipment, and can hold a beautiful pose. Never drops a catch (in his own mind). Wears more underwear than the rest of the team put together, a fine cricketer none the less.
Charlie Butcher
Definitely has the makings of a fine cricketer. Has been seen on the ground on a wednesday evening, but not on a sunday for a while.
Andrew Bolton (notlob)
Maybe a fine cricketer, we don’t know, as he never plays. Comes to most curry evenings though. Has the makings of a fine cricketer.
Sam Mallard (sammy)
A very fine young cricketer. A future all-rounder, if he can improve his batting. And his bowling.
Chris Huntley (little chris)
Another fine young cricketer. Arguably the best under-20 left-arm seam-bowling motorcycle sidecar racer in the village. A fine illustration of the value of maturity in a cricket team, his best performances for Hawkley this season have been in the Hawkley Inn rather than the cricket club.
Hallam Brown (nipper)
A fine young spin bowler. Comes from a noted local sporting family: his father is the undisputed sledging champion of Hawkley.
Nigel Brown (brawny)
The loudest man on the pitch. Sledges everyone (on the Hawkley team). Very fine cricketer and Captain of the Saturday side.
Dickie (juggler)
A fine cricketer. Managed a hat trick of catches on debut (all off one ball!). Has scored a run.
James McCurrach (general)
Has the makings of a fine cricketer, one day will be able to bat and bowl, but not for a while.
Angus Hasloch (lightning)
Another fine cricketer. Did once run after a ball.
Brad Kneller
I do believe will be an asset to the Hawkley team and become a fine cricketer- can definately bat, though he's too fast in the field for his own body.
Bill Oversby (buffalo)
A fine cricketer, can bowl a bit.
Mark Jarrett (muscles)
A very fine cricketer, can bat and keep wicket. The team supplier of Deep Heat.
Michael Burkie (burks)
A new find for Hawkley. An excellent cricketer who has nevertheless failed to meet the standards of the Hawkley side: his several centuries and five-wicket hauls have looked out of place in the team although he has recently shown encouraging flashes of true Hawkley performance.
Captains the Sunday side.
JP- description coming soon!- i'm sure he is a fine cricketer though.